


My crazy life 1

by NordicPossession



Series: Humor [1]
Category: OCs - Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types, The Mummy: The Animated Series, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:01:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22326010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NordicPossession/pseuds/NordicPossession
Relationships: Friends - Relationship
Series: Humor [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1607026





	My crazy life 1

**Megatron:** _*sees me doing the dishes by myself. Comes over and puts his arms around me.*_ “You know what I think is really sexy?”  
 **Me:** “What?”  
 **Megatron:** “A man who does the dishes with a woman.”  
 **Me:** “You know what does it for me? A woman who does the dishes with her actual husband!” _*I break free of him and walk out of the house.*_  
————————————————  
 **Me:** “I chop up celery and dill for your rotten tuna sandwich and I drag it across the street for you, and you don't even have the decency to thank me!?” _*I throw Blee’s lunch all over the ground then run out of the house crying.*_  
 **Blee:** “That's my freaking lunch!! Even dead people love you! Hey guys, can Hitler here have a juice box instead please?”  
 **Maul:** “You're too rude, Blee. You don't have to be so rude Blee.”  
 **Blee:** “So why are you guys here? Somebody's got to talk to Luba.”  
 **Imhotep:** “Well, you caused her to get angry at you. What's wrong with you Blee?”  
 **Blee:** “She says I don't understand her.”  
 **Maul:** “Why don't you go talk to her then?”  
 **Blee:** “Because I don't understand her!”  
 **Imhotep:** “You don't care how much your friend suffers?”  
 **Blee:** Well do you guys care if I am starving here!?”  
 **Maul:** “Oh, you're starving? Well maybe that is because your stomach is bigger than it should be!”  
 **Imhotep:** “you should know your friend Blee. When she gets upset, she doesn't cook or do anything in fact. When she doesn't cook, nobody here eats. You do know that right?”  
 **Maul:** “I thought you understood your friend Blee.”  
 **Blee:** “Well, Maul, I'm trying to okay?”  
 **Imhotep:** “Look, you two are friends. Friends should talk to one another.”  
 **Blee:** “Like you and her?”  
 **Imhotep:** “We talk Blee.”  
 **Blee:** “You think I should say that I’m sorry to her?”  
 **Maul:** “It would make things a lot easier around here for all of us.”  
 **Blee:** “Oh yeah. On you two though.”  
 **Maul:** “And on other people who have eulogies to give at this funeral we all are going to later on today. I'm just saying.  
It'll make things easy for everybody else.”  
 **Blee:** “But does anybody ask me how I feel? I'm just a burden!”  
 **Imhotep:** “Blee you're not just a burden.”  
 **Blee:** “At least that way, then I'd serve a purpose!”  
 **Maul:** “Serve a purpose?”  
 **Imhotep:** “you got lots of purposes Blee!”  
 **Maul:** “I know Blee! Why don't you cook Luba a salmon instead as a _”I’m sorry letter”_?”  
 **Me:** _*I walk into the house.*_ “There's a reason why I’m not cooking Blee anything Maul!”  
 **Blee:** “Luba, please! I'm sorry, Luba! I'm so sorry!”  
 **Imhotep:** “What are you doing Luba?”  
 **Me:** “I'm getting drunk.”  
 **Imhotep:** “Is that what I taught you?you cry, run off, come back with bottles of booze, turn on the television and start drinking away your sadness?”  
 **Maul:** “Look, Luba, Blee is not that bad.”  
 **Blee:** “Come on, there's two sides to every story, right?”  
 **Me:** “Get out of my house Blee.”  
 **Blee:** “Stop it Luba. You don't mean that.”  
 **Me:** “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE BLEE!!!!!” _*Blee quickly leaves the house.*_  
 **Imhotep:** “Luba stop this!! Blee tried saying that he was sorry for what he did! If you don't forget about this shit nobody at this funeral is gonna have a decent time!”  
 _*Right before the funeral.*_  
 **Me:** “You can kiss my bug alien ex-husband Kerb but you can't send a wedding present to Imhotep and Me Blee? Your lips should dry into raisins!”  
 **Imhotep:** “Be nice you two!”  
 **Blee:** “The present will arrive in a couple of years. I mailed it from where I sat during that time.”  
 **Me:** “The reason you're angry about that table is because you weren't the center of attention.”  
 **Blee:** “Lots of attention here!” _*Blee points at me.*_  
 **Me:** “How could I possibly be the center of attention while I’m doing the limbo in a sequin dress and a pushup bra!? Plus, If I had something to push up, which I didn’t, you wouldn't be sitting there with a sour facial expression!”  
 **Blee:** “How could you see my sour facial expression where I was sitting? You'd need binoculars!”   
**Imhotep:** “Stop it!! We're at a funeral here!!”   
_*After the funeral.*_  
 **Me:** “Maulie, that was beautiful!”  
 **Blee:** “Simple and touching.”  
 **Me:** “It was more than beautiful.”  
 **Blee:** “It was extremely beautiful!”  
 **Me:** _*whirls around on Blee.*_ “What is your problem, Blee!? I can't even say a word without you trying to top me!!”  
 **Blee:** “I can't help it, you're easily toppable.”  
 **Me:** “You're a evil man, Blee!”  
 **Blee:** “You're a vile, drunken woman Luba!”  
 **Me:** “You're just jealous of how I solve problems! At least I'm not complaining about where I sat at a wedding seven fricking years ago!!”  
 **Blee:** “I was so far away! I am still waiting for my cake!!”  
 **Me:** “That lousy cake was stale!”  
 **Blee:** “Stale!? You took two pieces home!”  
 **Me:** “Because you didn't invite my kids!”  
 **Blee:** “Who else got cold veal? And the portions you gave everyone were so small!”  
 **Me:** “Well what about those crappy centerpieces that you ordered for my first wedding!? And not to mention all of those complaints about where you were seated and nobody dancing and about everybody going home early!?!”  
 **Blee:** “That was because of the cheap food that you and your now ex-husband wanted!!”  
 **Me:** “You never even sent a gift to us!!”  
 **Blee:** “My gift was that I came at all!”  
 **Me:** “What kind of a horse's ass gift is that!?”  
 **Blee:** “You'd be lucky to have a horse's ass!!”  
 **Imhotep:** _*cannot stand Blee and Me fighting anymore.*_ “STOP IT STOP IT!!!! All right, you and you, let's go!!! Now!!”  
 **Me:** “What is it, Imhotep? What is it?”  
 **Imhotep:** “Come here and sit down. Both of you, come here and sit down. Didn't you hear what Maul said in there today!?”  
 **Blee:** “You mean the eulogy? You know how I mentioned it was extremely beautiful? Well that was not true.”  
 **Imhotep:** “Luba, you want to be in that box, dead, without ever making up with Blee?”  
 **Me:** “How come I'm in the box and not Blee!?”  
 **Imhotep:** “APOLOGIZE TO ONE ANOTHER!!!!!”   
_*Blee and I simply look at each other then walk off in opposite directions. Imhotep simply facepalms himself.*_


End file.
